i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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