you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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