just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
