went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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