We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So vagazzling was a success
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
