Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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