there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
