i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
