I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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