I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the condom got lost in my hair
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize