you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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