It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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