Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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