Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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