Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
