I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
