I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
