farters have to be the big spoon...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Actions speak louder than pants.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize