If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
