he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
