Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
