cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
