I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
