forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
