Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you never un-have a 4some
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
