You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
