You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
