Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
