Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
