Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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