we have officially lost it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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