I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize