Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
