So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
