this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
