I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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