I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
