People in love make me want to vomit
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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