Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
