Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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