"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
