my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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