best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
