I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
