When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
