Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
