This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We smell like vodka and hangover
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