she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
