I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize