He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She told me I should be a condom model.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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