I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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