then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
