Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
