Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize