Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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