Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just had sex on a roof
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
