I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
