So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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