your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
