Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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