sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
