So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize