whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
