Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I look better un-naked...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
