I faked an abortion last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
