I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
