we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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