No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
