You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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