Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
