Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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